Shell strewn path crunches underfoot
Sandals protect from sharp edges
Jasmin and coconut lingers on salty air
Sometimes home helps reset.
A calmness in the middle of a storm
Not knowing what waits on the other side
How long can I stay here,
Watching turquoise waves roll in
Soothing my tired soul?
Forever?
Spiraling again, no bottom in sight.
Free falling, begging for a soft landing,
But knowing there will be skinned knees
Endless tears, and heartache all the way.
This darkness will end. Won’t it?
Keep pushing through;
No, just stop and breathe…
It’s only bad in your head.
The skies will be blue again,
Clouds part and the songbird sings
But you can’t see, eyes slammed shut
And the whine in your head
Drowns out all joyful sounds.
This is the face of anxiety,
Of depression, of a breaking soul.
Where is my lifting hand…
He tries, but can’t reach me…
I can’t try anymore.
Limbs are tired, shaking…
No strength remains…
Now, if I could just only sleep…
But my head begins to spiral once again.
The drop of color,
Bright on my fingertips;
The color of young love.
The orangey pink hue,
Reminds me of me and you.
Do you remember the dress?
I picked it for you,
hoping to make you smile.
My nervousness, waiting at the gate…
Yes, children, we waited at the gate back then.
Twirling in the skirt and
fiddling with the straps on my shoulders.
White little polka dots dancing around.
Coral. Then, your kiss….
The color still works against my aged skin.
If only you were here to hold my hand…
A slowness fell over her
No longer willing to press back
The voices, they were real,
She wasn’t imagining it.
Watching her every move.
Gaslighting from within.
No one would have believed it…
Unless they heard it themself.
She wasn’t losing it after all.
They were laying traps.
She no longer cared why.
Time is up!
Sitting here, wind in my sails…gone
An unsettled uneasiness engulfs me
Stress is building, fingers are pointing
nothing feels safe anymore…
Never work, not home, even things that distract…
I need to get lost, go away, be unburdened
Be alone with my thoughts
But I can’t think anymore
If I do, I’ll lose my mind.
Maybe everything coming apart…
Will help to make it all alright.
Begin again.
The sky closes in and the wind picks up
Creaking limbs let go of dead leaves
Falling and sticking to everything below
Pelting droplets find their way
Through the canopy above
Muddied boots sink in softened ground
Eyes up, hoping to rinse away
The dirt and grime of days gone by
Hopeful for the past to be washed clean
Ready for the storm to pass
And to start life again, renewed
Waking, fists clenching sheets
Jaw tight and weary of keeping it in
Mouth on fire, teeth rattle in my head
15 months of constant strife
This is now only a shell of a life.
The goal now met, now what?
Do I return to the status quo?
Shift my position?
Or move to something new?
A clicking jaw, feeling broken,
Ready to be whole once more.
Grinning from ear to ear
But her eyes gave her away
Diving in, another piece of cheese.
Her only solace, was she a mouse?
Cheddar melting on her tongue,
The sharpness makes her feel….
It’s about all that she senses.
Spiraling, watching it happen.
Still not sure what will make it stop.
Make it stop.
Stop!
Sitting here, biting lips,
Trying not to say a word.
Cringing as the future unfolds,
One voice drowned by the din.
They know exactly what they do,
But it’s not what the cheering masses think.
Those who see it know,
We won’t be heard for now,
But we’ll end up cleaning the mess they make.
We can only hope realization isn’t too late.
Clean up on aisle eight!
Barren shelves, white as fresh fallen snow
Waiting for beauty and whimsy to grace thee
Faded family photos set aside to blend in
But inspiration is elusive and out of grasp.
The festive holiday has passed
And a chill has settled in my bones.
Nothing brings in the warmth
Not even this freshly brewed tea
I’ve wrapped my hands around.
Nothing inspires, what a bore….
I’m in desperate need of new decor.
Dawn Renee Writes 