Thoughts on an unknown diagnosis…

Some relish in not knowing the future, others dread it, while some have perfected living in the now.

Just get out of your own head is easier said than done. Keeping busy, finding distractions, filling up days with things to do and people to see is great.

Test results come back, so onto research. What could it be, so many scary things. What can I change, what can I do? you ask yourself over and over.

Sometimes you just need to know.

But then, night comes. Have you filled your day enough for your head to hit the pillow and fall asleep? Or do you lie there, staring at the ceiling, the wall, your partner, and the window, wishing for the gears to stop turning, the thoughts to stop churning. Fears take over, for the future you may never get to see, or a future filled with dread, and fear that you may never get to sleep.

But finally, sleep does come, albeit from exhaustion. The next day slogs on, achy and tired. The question is, when will it end?