writing

Freedom Lost

She sat under the oak tree, looking out over the lake. The cool grass felt good between her bare toes, her sandals sitting next to her naked feet. With her arms crossed across her knees she rested her forehead a moment and inhaled the fresh air. The smell of lavender filled her senses. Her stress released as she took a few moments to think. To her left she heard a small rustle and a tiny twig snap.

She lifted her head to see the neighborhood grey tabby stalking a lizard or something in the grass. She watched him while he hunted. It looked more like play as he bounded across the grass. His prey alluded him, so he stopped for a quick scratch, then jumped back up, on the prowl again. He headed toward the tall grasses near the lake and disappeared into a hollow formed just the right size for his body.

Her attention moved back to the sky as she watched white clouds roll in from the south, dotting the sky and then slowly filling in, providing relief from the hot sun. Her mind drifted to quieter times in her life, more balanced times. These times came less frequently these days. Gone are the free weekends, now taken up by work, week after week. Unable to be spontaneous and head on out whenever. Now everything has to be planned and scheduled, so she could claim it ahead of time.

She wasn’t ever really spontaneous before, but she missed the freedom to be so these days. A salaried job, great pay, but what happened to the rest of life? She realized she was drowning in a sea of work and the moments she could escape were squeezed into mere minutes or maybe an hour late at night or early mornings of daydreams and writing. ‘Is this what happens to us as grown ups? When did the fun fade away?’

Her cell phone buzzed. Work needed her back again. She looked at her phone. She wanted to just chuck it into the lake and run away, but instead, she put on a smile and answered the phone. “Good afternoon, this is me. How may I help?”

writing

Peace Maker

Peace and harmony are important.

Especially when it comes to close family.

Recent strife and arguments disturb.

So I find I must set things right,

Or start living another dual life,

Parent versus partner.

The family I have and the family I chose.

It’s a hard place to be.

I see Autumn fast approaching,

And peace and harmony need to return,

Selfishly, to make my own life a little easier.

So I find myself brokering the peace deal,

Making sure the bread is broken,

Establishing lines of communication.

It’s exhausting. But it must be done.

Wish me luck…I am going to need it!

writing

Nerves Unnecessary

She checked the time as she rocketed down the backroads to the local airport. Dressed in a business suit, nerves on edge. Not only was she meeting the new Vice President of their department, but also flying on the corporate jet.

Never would she expect to be here. She was excited, but also bewildered. It makes sense for her to visit their business partner; she was taking the place of her manager due to a scheduling conflict. But, on the jet?

She walked into the hangar office and greeted the managers and team she often interacted with. It was hot in the business suit. Others had taken off their coats and were relaxed. She followed their lead.

They bantered about the trip and set expectations in the lobby, waiting for the flight crew and their fearless leader to arrive. Their flight was to take off around the time of sunrise.

A man walked in with no fanfare, but he commanded attention. Dressed in jeans…jeans!… and a sports coat, he introduced himself to her. This was the VP!

Suddenly, she felt overdressed, but sighed a breath of relief. She knows people are people, all that, but her nerves had put her on edge.

The flight crew received word he had arrived and came out to greet the team. They led the way to the Lear jet. It was beautiful, appointed with leather seats, and comfortable. Take off was amazing; a once or twice in a lifetime event.

writing

Early Mornings Return

Early mornings make for long days.

Bedtime can not come soon enough.

But a shift in schedule must be made.

To keep a promise to myself.

One day I’ll live a life of leisure,

but for now, work takes precedence.

Which means I must rob Peter

to pay Paul, so I might have

a chance to accomplish it all.

writing

Back to Nature – Part Four

The sun was not up yet, but Suzy was. She heated up some water and began brewing a warm cup of tea for herself. She slipped back into the bedroom and changed from her nightgown into some workout pants and a long sleeved shirt.

She heard the timer go off from the kitchenette, completed making her tea and checked in on Rich. He still laid in the bed, sleeping. She went back into the living area of the cabin and curled up on the sofa, flipping through her phone to catch up on news and a few emails.

A soft knock came from the door and startled her. She plodded her still-sleepy self over to the door and looked out. Steve was standing there. She smiled, then opened the door and looked out. “Hey, what are you doing here, especially so early?”

He looked down and fidgeted his hands nervously, then looked up. He slid his hands into his pockets. “Can we talk a minute?”

She wasn’t sure what to expect, but she didn’t want to wake Rich either. “Hold on, let me slip on some shoes.”

Suzy found Steve pacing on the front porch, much like she had done a few days earlier, when she stepped outside. There was a chill in the air, but it wasn’t too cold for just long sleeves. “Want to sit, or walk?” she asked, seeing him pace.

He led the way down the stairs and they headed down the parking area and over to the fire pit. He took a seat on the edge of the pit while Suzy sat opposite him. Suddenly Suzy felt uncomfortable.

“Suzy, you told me you’d be here this week. Do you remember?”

She looked at him. She remembered their email exchange and did say she’d be out here, but not where they were staying. She blinked and looked at him confusedly.

“I took a chance,” his eyes locked with hers, then took a long pause before continuing, “I don’t know what I’m doing.”

She smiled a sad smile and extended her hand, touching his lightly. “I’m glad you did. I’m happy we were able to reconnect in person.” Then Suzy hesitated and stumbled over her words a moment before continuing, “Do you know how many times I wished I had the courage to drop everything, walk away, to take a chance.” A tear rolled down her face. “But I didn’t. Not only was I not certain, but I also knew I couldn’t interfere. I just pulled back and hoped with all my heart that you were happy with her, happy being a father to those two beautiful girls of yours.”

He looked up, his eyes red. She’d seen that look before in his face in their past.

“But, then I had to find a way to move forward. I grew so lonely. He is good to me. It isn’t all that I dreamt of but….” She nodded her head towards the cabin. “Well, I’ve never been the one to call things off, to walk away, to end things. It’s my weak spot.” At this point, both of their eyes were filled with tears.

Steve shook his head, “I know. I think its why….” his voice trailed off and he tried to look away.

They both just sat there, saying so much without saying a word, for several minutes. Finally he stood up as the sun started to glow in the early dawn. “We’re heading home today. I wanted to see you before we left at least.”

She stood up across from him and they embraced in a hug.

Softly he whispered, “Still do.”

She whispered back, “Always will.”

With that, they stepped back from each other, and walked back to their respective cabins, both fighting the desire to turn around, knowing if they looked back, the moment would be even harder.


poetry, writing

Barn Owl

The barn owl is just one of my favorite birds. Here’s a little acrostic poem dedicated to this beloved raptor.


Beautiful bold bird,

Amazing in flight.

Regal when perched.

Nocturnal hunter seeks its prey,

Opulently covered by feathers

With a heart-shaped face, and

Love in its eyes.


writing

Back to Nature – Part Three

Rich and Suzy headed out early in the day for their adventure deep into the heart of Yellowstone. They found their way to Jenny Lake and boarded the ferry. The skies were a beautiful blue, lightly dotted with cirrus clouds and the lake was calm.

The ferry skimmed across the water for their brief boat ride. They pulled into the dock and offloaded with several others to find their way to the trails near by. Suzy took Rich to the side, letting the more experienced hikers head up and to allow them to have a little space before they tried to find their way to Inspiration Point and Hidden Waterfalls.

Slowly they made their way up the trail, well behind the throng of hikers. They took their time, not as skilled, carefully navigating some of the more moderate sections of the trail. It definitely was a more strenuous hike than those on the flat areas by the coast.

Suzy stopped to take photos along the way, appreciating the various vantage points. Rich caught up with her when she stopped and took in deep breaths of air, one of his habits she grew to appreciate through the years, although she wonders if he’s actually okay from time to time. Rich points out a view over Jenny Lake. It relaxes both of them before they carry on.

They reach Inspiration Point, but it was extremely crowded. Suzy was uncomfortable around the throng of bodies; she hoped people would have already moved on. She liked quiet walks, not tourist central sites. They enjoyed the view for a few moments and then moved on to find a small spot to enjoy lunch.

After the hike, they headed back to their cabin to freshen up and relax. Suzy found her way to the Adirondack chairs around the fire pit. She took a seat, facing their cabin, and began scrolling through her photos.

A shadow came overhead and a voice spoke up, “That’s a great shot.” Steve was behind her. He walked around her and sat down in the seat next to her. “How’ve you been?”

Suzy wasn’t sure how to react. She stared at her camera…it was a tie that bound them, at least in her mind. A shared interest from long ago. “Good. And you?” She managed to get out.

Her stomach still had butterflies for him, but they had gone different paths, built their families separately, moved on. When you love someone, sometimes you let them go and take the hit…that was how she felt. She had struggled to move on, but found a way.

“Good…good. Can I see your photos?” He extended his hand.

“They’re mostly junk, but sure.” She handed him her camera. “My eyesight isn’t what it used to be.” She pointed to the lenses of her glasses.

Steve scrolled through the images. He laughed at one which Rich had took of Suzy being silly. “You guys seem to have a lot of fun together,” Steve commented.

Suzy shook her head. “Most of the time, we do.” She smiled, looking over at their cabin. “He’s taking a nap right now.”

Steve handed her camera back to her. “Nice shots.” Then he looked toward the unlit fire pit. “I’m glad we bumped into each other.”

Suzy’s eyes drifted over to Steve. He was sitting there, elbows on knees, clasped hands, looking solemn. Some awkward time passed as they sat in the silence, with all the words they never said and may never be able to say to each other.

Sofia’s voice rang out from behind them as she walked up, “Dad!” Steve smiled as his eldest walked over. “Who’s this?”

Suzy smiled toward Sofia. She looked like her Dad so much. Suzy had seen pictures of her through the years, but now she was almost grown and around the age when Steve and Suzy first met, all those years ago.

Suzy introduced herself to Sofia, then continued, “Your Dad and I went to school together. Crazy how we bumped into each other after all these years!”

Sofia smiled at Suzy, “He’s mentioned your name before. Nice to meet you!” Then she turned to her Dad. “Lexi and I are going down to the camp store. Want anything?”

Steve shook his head no and soon Sofia was off with her kid sister.

“She’s a sweet girl, Steve.”

His face brightened up and he started sharing about watching the girls grow up. Suzy genuinely smiled as Steve talked. She couldn’t have kids of her own, but she was happy he got to have the family he wanted.

Slowly their conversation turned more comfortable and even lighter. The awkwardness dissipated and their friendship came back. They even shared a few laughs.

“Am I interrupting?” a man’s voice inquired. Rich had walked up to the ring of chairs.

Suzy looked up at him and smiled. It was a smile of true happiness. “Hey sweetie, this is Steve.”

Rich was happy to see she was no longer on edge. He stuck out his hand and exchanged greetings with Steve, then he took a look at the fire pit. “Hey, this is gas. Mind if I turn it on?”

Steve gave Rich a thumbs up. Suzy smiled, and was surprised how comfortable she was with both Rich and Steve being in the same place.

Rich took a seat on the other side of Suzy and the three of them stared into the fire as evening settled in. They chatted about the weather and the sites for a bit.

Steve then looked at his watch and suddenly stood up. “I should get back to the cabin and head out to dinner with the family. It was great to catch up with you!”

Suzy stood up and gave Steve a friendly hug. “Yes, it was.”

Steve headed back to his cabin and Suzy turned to Rich. “Dinner?” Rich smiled and shook his head yes.

writing

Ad Infinitum

I need to rediscover

motivation

and to learn to set

boundaries.

Overwhelmed by

stress,

Failing myself

again.

I need to rediscover

motivation.

I need to learn to set

boundaries.

I need to get back to

myself.

I need to break this

ad infinitum.

writing

Underwater Tranquility

The boat sways in the gentle waves where the Atlantic, the Caribbean Sea, and the Gulf of Mexico meet. She steadies herself on the platform, suited up. The boat is noisy with fellow divers, waves hitting the boat, and the sound of birds flying overhead.

Looking across the turquoise and blue waters, she takes a final fresh breath of air before placing her regulator in, holding it to her face, and taking a giant stride off the back of the boat. The water splashes around and she begins to descend. The sounds from above are muffled, and slowly dissipate as she slips away from the boat towards the reef ahead. Quiet takes over as the only sounds come from her regulator.

She checks every so often on her dive partner who isn’t too far behind as they make their way around the reef. She slows her pace and pauses to watch soft coral swaying in the gentle current. The vibrant purple sea fan contrasts against the hard coral surface behind. Small colorful reef fish hide in the valleys and recesses in the rocks.

She continues on, looking for other sites to see. In the openness of the waters a school of young yellow tail snapper swim alongside her. She is amazed as they dart by her, cutting through the water like it were air. Not far behind trails a barracuda, possibly looking for a little lunch.

She returns her focus to the reef. Her partner comes up alongside and signals to her – Look, Eel . She looks in the direction and finds a vibrant green moray wrapped around an outcropping, his head floating in a small opening looking out towards the waters. The eel tucks back into his groove and waits as they float by.

The reef is covered in colorful corals, from bottle brush, feather and Christmas Tree, to plate, brain and moon coral. More small reef fish and shrimp play among the coral, darting in and out. She pauses and breathes a few moments, watching them with delight.

Her partner taps her on the shoulder. Time to ascend and return to the real world. Slowly they make their way back to the boat and return to their normal human, land-based lives.


This is based on a dive at the race track reef near John Pennekamp Coral Reef state park in the Florida Keys. It’s a place I like to go to in my mind when I need a quick escape from the everyday.

poetry, writing

Silliness

Finally a moment of quiet and gratitude

With a little time to adjust my attitude.

Relaxing and watching Schmigadoon.

The musical parts make me want to croon.

However, I can’t sing, well on key anyway.

These vocal cords wouldn’t make others sway.

Lost amid my work overload weariness…

Excuse me for my moments of silliness.