Chaos in the Quiet

My mind spins at high speed, almost incessantly. There is nothing to distract me in the quiet moments. I have endless conversations with myself, with my dad, with you, and others in my brain.

I hope to find peace in these times, but it is so well hidden. I am changing, and I am unsettled. However, I finally feel I am moving towards something, instead of burying myself with more.

I need to remember to keep some things close, protected, quiet; although I wish to shout out to the world. The world, it does not care. The world will tear it away. I’ve had enough of that.

This time, I do it for me, not for others, not even for just you. I’m thankful to the mirrors other have shown me in these past six months. Some I could clearly see and am respectfully and diligently working on.

This latest one though, it still is covered in a haze. It is the hardest one for me to work through. When this started I thought you might need me. Maybe, then, I thought, I need you.

Have patience with me while I find me and figure this all out. Please, don’t give up on me.

About Me, writing

Write A Book!?

A voice boomed inside my head several years ago. Write a book!

Of course this voice came to me in the bathroom of all places….greatest source of ideas for thinkers, aside from dreams and long quiet walks, that is!

I ignored it. I write for a living…mundane and boring and precise writing mind you. But not for entertainment…well, at least not for a long time. What I have written could fill volumes…. Specifications and requirements to capture the visions of others and make them understandable for the magicians behind the code.

Why would I write….a book?! I kept pushing that voice aside. Not now. Not ever. Not, well, maybe.

I am still trying to figure it out. I haven’t written any books yet. But I started this site to push myself to find what I’d enjoy writing about. I hope you, the reader, are enjoying the journey with me. Some fantasy, some fiction, some travel, some things just out of this crazy head of mine!

I also returned to a long lost interest in reading too…I was recently engrossed in a series called Echo (https://dirtyscifibuddha.com/ aka Kent Wayne – Thanks for the trip!) If you like military fighting, mixed with mysticism, mixed with self discovery, check it out.

So, I’ll let you know if, no, when, I write that book. Sometimes we have to listen to that voice in our head, that beat in our heart, that tingle in our gut, to find the right direction.

At least now, I’m listening.

poetry, writing

Finding What I Lost?

Travels down memory lane

Stir up feelings once thought long gone

Yet they feel as fresh as yesterday.

I wish I could transport back and see

If I had done things differently,

Where would my life be?

I will keep the memories, the good and bad,

And the lessons of yesterday

as I come back to now, hoping I found

A little piece of myself I was missing

From all those years ago.