poetry, writing


Years of self-induced torment lay at her feet.

Ripped to shreds are thoughts of doubt and fear.

Torn to pieces are the self-loathing and apologetic existence.

Torched and burned until only embers and ash remain.

From the smoke, she rises renewed to face another day.


Acushla Bound

Mikaela finally found an afternoon of no obligations, no commitments. She packed a small lunch and headed outside to sit by the lake.

She spread out a blanket and found a comfortable place to lean against the massive oak they saved from splitting following Hurricane Irma. The strapping still held it together, but the tree had healed nicely.

The breeze floated across the lake, carrying with it the warmth of the sun. Her skin glistened in the heat, but she was still comfortable. Her brown hair, desperate for a trim, curled up against her neck.

She purposely left her phone inside to escape interruption, but she brought a journal and pen, should any creativity come to visit.

She listened to the songs of the chickadees and cardinals as they flirted above her between the branches. Over the lake, herons and egrets swiftly flew by, looking for their lunch. Relaxation finally found her.

Slowly, she slipped into slumber, laying on her blanket. Her limbs and her eyes became heavy, but she didn’t struggle or fight it. It was nice to let things go for once. In the distance, the shell chimes clinked, lulling her further into a deep sleep.

In the distance she heard the galloping of hooves. She startled herself awake. As she opened her eyes, she realized she must be dreaming. Nothing around her was familiar.

The tree she slept under was now a willow tree, glistening in the sun. Her branches swayed in the winds, and almost iridescent leaves sparkled.

The familiar birds were gone, but new ones filled their place. Blue birds chirped and danced around her blanket. One even landed on her shoulder and sang a beautiful song.

Mikaela thought to herself, this is a pretty nice dream.

The high grass between her and the lake had transformed to a field of wild flowers, vibrant and rich with life. Butterflies, dragonflies, bees and more moved among the flowers, happily floating on the air.

One dragonfly floated towards Mikaela. This one was different from the others. As he neared, she realized it was a damsel fly instead…one set of wings instead of two. He floated and landed on her nose.

She looked cross eyed at him. She didn’t want to scare him, but then, she sneezed. He swiftly moved away, and once her fit was over, he floated nearby instead. He drifted away and then back several times.

Mikaela finally figured out he wanted her to follow him. She stood up. It was then she realized she wasn’t in her shirt and shorts anymore. She was now in a gown, similar to those of the Renaissance or one an elf would wear in LOTR, but it was lightweight and floated loosely over all her figure flaws.

She stepped onto the grass and found small stepping stones forming a path ahead. The damsel fly continued to beckon her to follow around the field. The path followed the edge of the lake which reflected as a turquoise and teal blue with a slight mist floating above.

As she continued rounding the edge of the lake, she discovered a wooded forest before her and heard the faint whinny of a horse. The damsel fly floated in mid-air before her, making her look around.

Mikaela noticed the air had a slight chill and rubbed her arms to warm them. She wondered where the warmth of the sun had gone. As she looked around, aside from knowing this wasn’t home, she didn’t know what she should see.

The damsel fly floated backward, allowing her to step forward, and then she tripped across a strap of leather.

“Ohhhh, this is what you wanted me to see?” She questioned as she picked herself and the horses bit and reign from the ground. She looked at the name engraved on the strapping… Pepper.

The damsel fly continued forward, leading her past the first few trees in the forest. There stood a beautiful Appaloosa in the thicket. He was already saddled, but no bit nor lead on him. He pranced to the side on hearing Mikaela’s footsteps.

As she neared, he bowed at her. She stretched out her hand, touching him on the star of his forehead. He neighed softly.

“Pepper?” She spoke gently to the magnificent creature. He shook his head up and down. The damsel fly landed on Pepper’s ear. Pepper twitched his ear, and the damsel fly took off, not to be seen again.

Mikaela recalled back to her youth. She had only ridden a horse once, but loved them immensely. She held out the bit to Pepper, “Shall we?”

Pepper pranced for a moment and opened his mouth. He was ready to get underway; although Mikaela had no idea where they would be going. She fastened the bit, checked the saddle, then climbed atop Pepper.

“Lead the way Pepper. Lead the way.”

With that, Pepper took off into the forest, headed towards the mountains in the distance.


Take a Hike – Part Two

The drive to the Everglades seemed to be never ending. The spine of Florida is long and covered with citrus groves, ranches, and small to medium sized towns filled with the standard fast food joints.

Finally, the road led her and her travel mate to the entrance of the Everglades National Park. The air seemed to change the moment she passed through the gates. Trees, open spaces, grass covered lands surrounded her. A wave of calm settled in.

The eco-tents at Flamingo Campgrounds are 34 miles from the gate. After a leisurely drive, they checked in and were assigned Tent 14. She made her way down the raised boardwalk with her traveling partner. The tent faced directly south overlooking Florida Bay. A field of grasses and other low growth bordered the little tent city.

To the east and the west, campers and backpackers were also set up. It wasn’t overly crowded even though it was prime spring break season.

They settled into the tent for the evening. As night fell, the temperature dropped to a mere 58 degrees, cold to a Florida girl. She found her fleece jacket and bundled up, adding a blanket to the bed as they headed to bed.

The winds picked up and the tent’s rain fly shuddered and slapped against the metal structure. Certainly, there were clouds in the sky and a storm on the way. Lightning flashed through the open screens facing the water.

At four in the morning, she awoke, startled. Mother Nature was calling, but she contemplated holding off. It was no use. She found her sandals and slipped out into the night.

She looked around as she stepped out of the tent to discover not a cloud in the sky. Surprisingly, the moon had set and thousands of stars shown overhead. She looked up in awe as she walked the winding boardwalk to the restroom.

On her way back, the cold air still struck her, but she couldn’t take her eyes off the sky. She hadn’t seen the stars like this in ages. She let out a gentle sigh, grateful for this chance to get away, then made her way back to bed, serene and peaceful.


Chaos in the Quiet

My mind spins at high speed, almost incessantly. There is nothing to distract me in the quiet moments. I have endless conversations with myself, with my dad, with you, and others in my brain.

I hope to find peace in these times, but it is so well hidden. I am changing, and I am unsettled. However, I finally feel I am moving towards something, instead of burying myself with more.

I need to remember to keep some things close, protected, quiet; although I wish to shout out to the world. The world, it does not care. The world will tear it away. I’ve had enough of that.

This time, I do it for me, not for others, not even for just you. I’m thankful to the mirrors other have shown me in these past six months. Some I could clearly see and am respectfully and diligently working on.

This latest one though, it still is covered in a haze. It is the hardest one for me to work through. When this started I thought you might need me. Maybe, then, I thought, I need you.

Have patience with me while I find me and figure this all out. Please, don’t give up on me.

About Me, writing

Write A Book!?

A voice boomed inside my head several years ago. Write a book!

Of course this voice came to me in the bathroom of all places….greatest source of ideas for thinkers, aside from dreams and long quiet walks, that is!

I ignored it. I write for a living…mundane and boring and precise writing mind you. But not for entertainment…well, at least not for a long time. What I have written could fill volumes…. Specifications and requirements to capture the visions of others and make them understandable for the magicians behind the code.

Why would I write….a book?! I kept pushing that voice aside. Not now. Not ever. Not, well, maybe.

I am still trying to figure it out. I haven’t written any books yet. But I started this site to push myself to find what I’d enjoy writing about. I hope you, the reader, are enjoying the journey with me. Some fantasy, some fiction, some travel, some things just out of this crazy head of mine!

I also returned to a long lost interest in reading too…I was recently engrossed in a series called Echo (https://dirtyscifibuddha.com/ aka Kent Wayne – Thanks for the trip!) If you like military fighting, mixed with mysticism, mixed with self discovery, check it out.

So, I’ll let you know if, no, when, I write that book. Sometimes we have to listen to that voice in our head, that beat in our heart, that tingle in our gut, to find the right direction.

At least now, I’m listening.

travel, writing

El Avion

Costa Rica – 2015

We happened upon a restaurant as we left our day at Manuel Antonio. It was called El Avion. It was a unique restaurant built around a plane with a bit of a scandalous history.

The host escorted us to a table overlooking the coast and the Pacific Ocean. We ordered drinks and relaxed after our trek through the park. I looked over photos of the sloth and the monkeys eating and dropping termites from the trees, along with the beautiful scenery I captured. My attention shifted.

I looked over the mountainside and watched macaws fly by and settle in the treetops. I turned my attention towards the restaurant. It appeared to be made out of local hardwoods. We sat in an open air section; the cross breeze was refreshing as was my iced drink on this hot and humid afternoon.

I sat there, looking at the fuselage of the plane the restaurant was built around. I watched a man playing with his two kids, going in and out of the plane and walking around the restaurant. It brought a smile to my face, although I am not sure why. Kids just make me smile sometimes.

I sighed a bit, then turned my attention back to my adventuring cohort. Our meal was served and hit the spot. I continued looking out over the lush vegetation below us, amazed by its beauty.

A rainstorm rolled by, refreshing the air. The water poured off the side of the building, splashing down. I could get entranced watching rain fall. I wished to linger longer in this place; it felt familiar to me.

However, it was getting late and we needed to go. We finished up paying and headed to our little car to find our way back to Playa Bejuco to join the rest of our party.

A nice memory from a great trip.

About Me, writing

Becoming Routine

Late last year, I set out on a journey for my own health. I am slowly making progress, but I have seen my second wave of good results this past month.

I began first by just tracking what I ate last October. No diet changes. It is eye opening if you’ve never done this before. Nothing was way crazy with my diet, but tracking made some bad habits very apparent.

As a note, I am a middle-aged woman who has fought weight battles since age 5. So, unlike guys who can just think about dieting and lose 5 pounds, I have to work at it!

Next, I straightened up those bad habits. By December, the 5 COVID pounds I had gained were gone. I still let myself enjoy food, just in moderation now.

Christmas Eve, while talking with my mom, a couple harsh realities smacked me in my face…not my Mom, mind you! One was the realization that I had gotten myself to a place I didn’t like….and it was up to me to address it.

I knew I needed to do more, but needed to set a why. Just feeling better should have been a good enough motivator. I found a beautiful location I would like to visit one day, the Jacob Hamblin Arch, in Utah. Now, for me to do that, I need a much smaller body, the ability to hike for two days with a pack, and the ability to use a rope to climb up and down in some spots during the hike. Hey, go big or go home as they say!

So, I decided to tackle the most basic aspect first…walking the walk! I built up my walking from an average of 2,000 steps a day to now over 10,000 steps a day. I have currently dropped another 12 pounds.

I have a long way to go, and there are days I’d still rather sleep or lounge all evening on the sofa, but I keep giving myself no room for that complacency. I’d love any hints and guidance from any hikers on where to go next!

I know I will hit plateaus, but I am going to work like hell to overcome them. I will be my own cheerleader on this journey.

If you are on a similar journey, don’t give up. We can do this!

poetry, writing

The Maze of Life

I once thought life was a labyrinth,

A set path full of twists and turns we each take on our own.

The characters we meet along the way are but fleeting and random.

Now I see it is a maze, with intersections and decision points.

We encounter many and decide to join on a path for the journey.

We face dead ends, hearing others on the other side of the hedge, wanting to find them.

We come to places where we must make decisions to go back together or separate as the maze is too narrow for two.

We share this maze with our world and we come and go in each other’s lives.

The strongest connections find ways in the maze to reconnect, sometimes for just a moment, but others for a lifetime.

Perhaps these lucky few are tied together with an invisible string which can bring them together if they pull hard enough.

Am I one of the lucky few?