writing

Good Friends

You know you’re good friends when:

You don’t clean before they arrive.

They’ve seen you without makeup.

They’ve seen you with your hair a mess.

You can laugh together at being stupid.

You can cry in front of them and they know

whether to hug you or slap you silly, or both…

And you have conversations about poop.

writing

Swipe Right

If you’ve been single at any time in the past few decades, you likely have heard of, if not joined, some sort of online dating site. These sites have you build profiles, highlights of yourself, answer questions, all that good stuff, to help with the matching of your profile with someone else.

I haven’t had use for these sites in well over a decade, but recently, someone from high school reminded me that the concept was not anything new and harkened back to a time in high school, long before the internet, where kids filled out questionnaires and were “matched” with three potential candidates.

I’m sure it was all innocent, meaning to help people meet each other. But they reminded me of the fights that broke out when the matches were, well, unexpected. Established couples broke up, boys got in fights over girls, and vice-versa, and people were disheartened when their crush didn’t show up on their list.

I didn’t immediately remember this, but I thought about it for a while, and slowly, some details came back for me. Was I honest on the questionnaire? Most likely. Did I get matched up with some people? Sure. But, here’s what I really remember.

See, I was an introvert and I had a good relationship with my folks. Anyway, I had the results stuck in my English book and showed them to my Dad one day. He laughed, then scoffed at me. “Just get rid of that list. If there’s a boy who likes you, he’ll come look for you. You don’t need to be seeking him out.”

With that, the list was taken from my book, and tossed. The names, forgotten. My dad was old-fashioned in that way. He felt girls should let the boys come to them. To this day, I think this is one reason why I only went out on a few dates in high school. Boys didn’t seek me out.

I learned from that lesson that sometimes, you have to initiate contact or ask for what you want, contrary to what my Dad believed. Heck, I had to ask my senior prom date, a friend only at the time, to take me; otherwise I would have probably not gone.

I love the fairytale where the knight in shining armor rides up and sweeps a lady off her feet just as much as the next; but I also learned I wouldn’t have companionship if I sat back and waited. I did wait at times. I waited much too long, but my knight didn’t show up. Sometimes, you just have to make your fairytales work with what you’ve got and who you can. Otherwise, life just passes you by.

writing

Observation

Today, I sat in a room with 10 others, working on a major project. The room was full of people with a variety of technical skills…electricians, networking, engineering… and various managers. (Social distancing and masks were all in play!) As I sat there, contributing like the rest, I couldn’t help but recognize I was the only woman in the room.

I wasn’t uncomfortable, and everyone treated me as an equal. I work with other women as well, but just not in this scenario.

It makes me wonder however, why meetings like this are so unbalanced when it comes to gender. Are women not interested in technology? No, I know that isn’t true. Do men block advancement? Maybe, but that didn’t seem to be the case here!

So, ladies, and girls growing up, go for it. If you like to build or invent, or analyze and plan, or lead, follow that desire! I’d enjoy seeing a few other ladies in the room along the way!

writing

Beach Mornings

I believe the best time to walk the beach is when a sliver of the moon shines brightly. The stars are twinkling remnants of the evening. The waves are crashing on the shore, blowing you a kiss and bringing peace you can only find from within.

Dawn breaks and the sky turns into pinks, blue and purple. The waves magically calm down, the rhythm slows as the sun approaches. Slowly one begins to see the shells scattered along the shore brought in overnight by the tide.

Birds dance along the waters edge looking for their breakfast.

The cafés scattered along the beach turn on their lights waiting for patrons.

Early-morning walkers stroll along the sand gathering their thoughts for the day. One must wonder if they do this every day or if they are on a break from their lives.

The breeze is cool as it hits my face. The sky is getting lighter. Along the shore are shells so beautiful waiting to be taken home by the next person walking by. The day begins.

writing

There’s Just Something about Classic Movies

This afternoon, we sat down to enjoy tea and scones and watched Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I enjoy watching Audrey Hepburn’s movies. A few weeks ago we watched My Fair Lady. I’ve seen both of these a few times throughout my life. Even though the story lines may not fully hold up in the modern world, they are still entertaining.

Tiffany’s also stars George Peppard, which I had forgotten he was the main actor was over the years. My memories flash back to being a teen watching him on A-Team in the 80s when he was older and grey – “I love it when a plan comes together.” Can’t help but quote that line!

I love the underlying story in Breakfast at Tiffany’s. I appreciate the aspect of growth that Paul goes through, as well as Holly’s eye opening at the end. I suspect parts of the story were a little eyebrow raising back in 1961 when it first came out, but that actually makes it feel more current than it is.

It is interesting how you pick up new details when you see a movie for the first time after several years.

Any recommendations of other classic movies?

writing

Chaos in the Quiet

My mind spins at high speed, almost incessantly. There is nothing to distract me in the quiet moments. I have endless conversations with myself, with my dad, with you, and others in my brain.

I hope to find peace in these times, but it is so well hidden. I am changing, and I am unsettled. However, I finally feel I am moving towards something, instead of burying myself with more.

I need to remember to keep some things close, protected, quiet; although I wish to shout out to the world. The world, it does not care. The world will tear it away. I’ve had enough of that.

This time, I do it for me, not for others, not even for just you. I’m thankful to the mirrors other have shown me in these past six months. Some I could clearly see and am respectfully and diligently working on.

This latest one though, it still is covered in a haze. It is the hardest one for me to work through. When this started I thought you might need me. Maybe, then, I thought, I need you.

Have patience with me while I find me and figure this all out. Please, don’t give up on me.

poetry, writing

Night Sky

The flickering flame dances across the fire.

The crackling sound of the wood fills my ears.

The embers float to the heavens,

Gently extinguished by the cool night air.

Mesmerized by the show in our campfire, the evening passes.

I lean back and look up into the night.

Stars upon stars shine in the black sky

With thousands of pin points of light.

Our world is so vast, it makes me feel small,

But full of wonder.

There is so much more than we can ever know.

writing

Learning from Darkness

She walks through the dark forest, gently, listening to the sounds. The dim forest gives way to beams from the full moon overhead as they stream through the branches.

An owl hoots in the distance, then the flap of wings rushes by as he takes flight chasing a late night meal.

She pauses, listening intently. The leaves rustle in the wind. The owl flies back over and lands in the nearby tree.

She spies a clearing in the distance, with a large rounded rock, awash with moonlight. Twigs snap and leaves crunch as she makes her way to the clearing.

She perches onto the rock, looking up towards the sky, taking in the moonbeams and then closing her eyes. The heavens swirl above her as she drifts into her own mind.

She hears her own breathing, slow and steady. Each inhale fills her lungs with cool night air. Each exhale releases the stress from her body. She settles into a half lotus position and calms herself.

She smells the dampness of the forest, it’s mosses and flora aromas fill the air. Her hair curls into ringlets in the humid air, clinging around her face and her neck.

Her shoulders release and lower. She enters a trance like state, aware of her surroundings, but lost in her thoughts at the same time.

Her mind wanders through a myriad of memories. She visits the bright spots, finding comfort and joy.

The darkness is there, but she works hard to prevent it from entering. She dealt with those pains for long enough. However, they begin to take over her mind.

She refocuses on the lessons learned during those dark times…trust your heart, keep up your guard, and reflect on the positive.

More happiness than sorrow fills her life. She knows her life is good. She knows her life can be better and is working towards it. She feels re-energized.

The owl begins to hoot again, bringing her back to reality. She opens her eyes, and smiles. Find the positive, learn from the negative, and appreciate every moment.

writing

Answers?

Perseverance rover landed on Mars today.

Will we find evidence of life, now or in the past?

Does this start the race towards our future or are we looking into our past?

Are we just stardust, assembled and reassembled throughout the ages?

Do we all have past lives, future lives, and entwined existences in the here and now?

Is there such a thing as a soul, a life force?

Do we have a reason for being, a reason for longing, a reason for life?

So many questions; will we ever find the answers?

writing

Finding Who We Are

Interesting thoughts fill my mind. As I age, I find I am removing layers that adulthood has placed on me as a person.

I think back to simpler times, happier times, and although I keep moving forward, I find that the rediscovery of cherished memories help me define where I want to go.

Recently, someone asked if a teenager could even know what they want out of life. It makes me think.

As we go through school, we layer on the expectations, education, and grow.

We move into adulthood and go into service, college, and work. We add on more expectations, more knowledge.

Some marry, some don’t, some have children and we layer on more experience and learn to appreciate other people’s needs in some cases. We take on obligations and make promises as well.

But, are we growing or layering and covering up our true selves?

I hope it is a mix personally. The child who loved to swim and walk in nature can still find peace when in the pool or on the trail as an adult. A person can stand in their home and realize all they have doesn’t really define who they are and can start to shed it all to get to where they want to be. The woman who has struggled her whole life with emotions and self-doubt can grow and learn from them, and appreciate how those same emotions can guide her to find her true self.

Promises and obligations should be kept, especially to children and parents who deserve all of the love and care in the world. Sacrifices still will be made.

But, I look at my parents and grandparents; contrasting their lives. Both sets of my grandparents met in school, married, faced trials and tribulations, but stuck through the rough years and both surpassed 50+ years of marriage.

My parents met at roughly the same age, but as they grew, they changed and needed to go separate paths to find their own ways through life, finding different partners better suited for their vision, even with a child in the mix.

Each person’s path on this journey called life is different. We have to respect that if nothing else.

Here’s to the journey, for it may not be straight, hopefully it isn’t always boring, and may it lead us to better places, whether that life was imagined at age 14 or discovered at 75 or a blend somewhere in between.